Archive for the 'Realizations' Category

Define “buzzkill.”

I became an aunt yesterday. I wish I could say I’m excited but it’s hard to feel good about my brother being a father. He’s just so fucked up. I make light of the situation by thinking of it like an experiment: which is stronger, nature or nurture? Will two douche bags raise a douche bag?

I hope one day I look back on this and can’t imagine that my brother actually didn’t talk to me for going-on twelve years. I hope that one day we’re sitting around feeling good about ourselves and reminiscing about the past and I tell him he can be such a prick sometimes and we laugh. (Because it’s true.) I hope he doesn’t start talking to me again over one of our parents’ deathbed and I’ve gotten so bitter and have stopped being The Bigger Person so many years ago that I turn to him and tell him he’s such a piss fucking poor excuse for a son and why didn’t Dad pull out? He would’ve spared every other member of our family so much hurt.


That came out… different than I expected. I’m going to post it though, because it’s honest and apparently it had to be said.


Horsemouth Found The Stables

We’ve been living in the same apartment for just over a year now. I know, a year is like, five minutes—but it feels substantial to me because I’ve moved a lot in my so-called adult life. To celebrate, we’re vowing to be better house-keepers and adopt a cat when I get back from China.

The other day, it dawned on me that I’ll probably be in Vermont for a long time. Thankfully, it all hinges on one thing, so I have a fifty-fifty shot at leaving this godforsaken place! (Just kidding.) If Stork and I continue to be successful mates together, I’ll stay in Vermont because we’ll buy a piece of land because we want to build a house because it’s a waste of money to rent piece of crap moldy apartments. We’ll buy in Vermont because if we’re going this far, we might as well get married, which means eventually there’ll be kids and we won’t make that mistake without having family nearby and my family isn’t the child-raising type so we’ll live near Momhen. In Vermont. So if this one thing works out, I might never leave this state. Mind-boggling to me because—and here’s the real realization—this is the most stable I’ve been in seven years, perhaps in my whole life. (Go me.)

Home, Sweet Home

It occurred to me this morning that I’ve been living in Vermont for two years, give or take a few days. It may not be perfect but it’s okay living here. And since I don’t have any plans to move in the near future, this is officially the longest I’ve stayed in one place since I left New York in 2000.

The Conflict: The Origin

At about 7:30 PM this fine evening, it suddenly occurred to me why things have always been so complicated. Because in elementary school (think: fifth or sixth grade), I traded souls with Stephen Hernandez! I’ve been living my life with someone else’s soul—a boy’s soul, to make matters worse. (Stephen is a deeply conflicted person, as well.) Now the only question is, are souls transferable via cellphone or is this an in-person exchange? This matter of conflicting souls must be resolved ASAP.

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