Insider Trading Advice

The best kind of trade you can make is something for someone else’s soul. (An even trade would be a soul for a soul, which is what Stephen Hernandez and I did in the P.S. 230 school yard.) The second best trade would probably be something—such as a cigarette—for someone else’s cannoli. Cannolis are nearly equivalent to a human soul, but not quite. Another good, profitable trade is the majority of the chores (dusting, floors, laundry, etc.) for the dishes but it can also raise a lot of controversy, so consider yourself warned.


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